Artemis Fowl: Enemies' Revenge
by Thundermage
Summary: Artemi Fowl is now the Russian mafia's #1 target thanks to the dissapearing cash, and now he is in grave danger, and so are Root and Holly! They have fallen prey to mysterious freak accidents, barely getting away with their lives. R&R!
1. Meet the Men In Black

A/N: This is not a fluffy romance fic, otherwise it'd be in the romance section. So those who want fluffy romance, go away! This is kick-butt action and stuff like that!  
  
Disclaimer: Would I be doing this if I owned Artemis Fowl? Really, would I? Exactly.  
  
Summary: Artemis has become #1 on the hit list of the Russian mafia after the 'Arctic Incident' because of the dissapearing money, so now he's being hunted down, meanwhile underground, Holly and Root are being victims to freak accidentsand barely getting away alive. I'm so evil!  
  
__________________________________________  
  
Artemis Fowl: Enemies' Revenge  
  
______________________________  
  
A/N: Corny title huh?  
  
*Fowl Manor, Dublin, Ireland;10:09 p.m.*  
  
Artemis sat in his comfortable, black, leather chair as he reminisced about his latest excursion with the fairies. He, Butler, Holly, Root, Foaly, Trouble, and Chix called it simply, 'The Arctic Incident' but LEP rules forced them to file it as, 'Project X196847636AFFIR-LZ42-SRDF856' for no apparent reason, the LEP's downfall was a lack of organization, although AFFIR meant, 'Artemis Fowl's Father In Russia' which made some sense, but who cares? Artemis didn't. After the Arctic Incident, Artemis got one of those home gyms as a way to keep his promise from on the train about working out. Artemis now had a well-toned body and was working on a six- pack, but he was still pale as ever. He was unkowingly playing around with the medalion Holly had given him, Artemis never took it off, not even in the shower, and Artemis decided to take a relaxing bath just then. "Butler! If anyone calls for me I'm not available! I'm taking a bath!" Artemis called out.  
  
"Yes, Master Artemis." Butler replied.  
  
"Thank you Butler! And just say Artemis!" Artemis yelled back, they weren't in the same room after all.  
  
It was about 8 months after the Arctic Incident, Artemis's father was back, although he had to get a prosthetic leg. He and Angeline, Artemis's mom, were almost never apart. As of now, they and Juliet were in China to visit the hot springs and were going to be gone for a month. So it was just Butler and Artemis. Artemis picked out a change of clothes and proceeded to his extravagantly designed and extremely large, private bathroom. It had a tub that was probably nearly 4 feet dee, and it was about 7 feet long, a hot tub the size of your average wading pool, marble flooring, and the best soaps and shampoos, not to mention a large stereo system to listen to classical music, Artemis always went out of his way to sit in the lap of luxury. He stripped down and took a bath. He was glad that the LEP pulled security, otherwise he would be a bit nervous about taking a bath, he would probably have had a bubble bath to conceal his, yeah.  
  
*LEP HQ's, Haven; 6 minutes earlier*  
  
"Commander! Why do we have to watch Fowl! We were supposed to have pulled security from Fowl Manor! I feel so dirty about the whole thing of putting that microcam in the coin!" Holly yelled at Commander Root.  
  
"I know you feel bad about the whole thing but the Council has ordered it, they think Fowl's been to quiet lately and they don't believe he's as reformed as we do." Root replied.  
  
"He's right Holly, you might as well, don't want to get in the Council's bad book again do you?" Foaly said.  
  
"Grrr...Fine, but only for a few minutes." Holly sighed, giving in.  
  
"Good, otherwise I'd have strapped you to a chairand forced you to watch it." Root said and walked off.  
  
Foaly and Holly went to the Ops booth and turned on the cam, then he walked off to the bathroom. Holly sat in the chair thinking over the latest excursion with the 'Fowl Boy' again. Then she was snapped out of her reverie when she heard, "I'm taking a bath!"  
  
"Oh crap! How do I turn it off!" Holly groaned. She searched frantically over all 15 square feet of the control panel for the button to kill the connection.  
  
"Stupid Foaly, not labeling all of the god damn buttons. Grrrr, when I get my hands on him! How long does it take to go to the bathroom!" Holly complained. She looked up at the screen, then promptly got a nosebleed and looked back down, finding some tissues and plugging her nose.  
  
"FOALY! GET YOUR HAIRY BEHIND OVER HERE!" Holly screeched. She heard the pneumatic doors hiss when they opened then closed. "WHERE'S THE SWITCH TO TURN IT OFF D'ARVIT!"  
  
"Oh my..." Foaly said when he saw the screen and promptly lookeddown at the control panel and flipped the bright, neon pink, flashing button in the middle of the control panel. He saw the semi-bloody tissue in Holly's nose and couldn't help but giggle a little and received a quick jab in the stomach and he couldn't help but grunt in pain.  
  
"Never. Tell. Anyone. Got it?" Holly said angrily, but still pink in the cheeks.  
  
"Crystal." Foaly said and grabbed his stomach.  
  
She went to walk out the doors and when she was about to get out of the hallway a runaway cart came out of nowhere and struck her down and her world went black.  
  
*Fowl Manor, Dublin, Ireland; 10:13*  
  
Artemis jerked all of a sudden and a feeling of dread came over him. Artemis decided on not getting his bath robe on, feeling that something bad was going to happen, Artemis prepared for the worst. He put on sweat pants and a blue tank top on. He tucked a .50 Desert Eagle fully loaded into the pocket on his right side. He found Butler in the main hall.  
  
"Butler, I think something bad is going to happen." Artemis said.  
  
"Me too Artemis." Butler replied.  
  
How right they were. Because just then, six figures burst through the window over the main door. When they landed, Artemis could see that the figures were dressed in all black, black combat boots, black pants, black gloves, black turtlenecks, black skullcaps, and they wore night vision goggles over their eyes and the lenses glowed red, giving them a very intimidating feel, not to mention that they had 9 inch daggers strapped to their ankles and they were holding what appeared to be M-4 Carbine Shotguns. It also looked like they had body armor on as well. Artemis and Butler weren't afraid, the body armor would work as well as butter against a hot knife.  
  
"Surrender now and you'll die a quick and painless death." said one of the six.  
  
"How about I introduce you to my little friend I like to call, 50 caliber Desert Eagle?" said Artemis and right on cue, Artemis and Butler opened fire on the surprised terrorists. One took a shot in the face from the .50 Desert Eagle, blowing a 6 inch hole right in the middle of his face going all the way through, a gush of blood flying forwards and back, not to mention sending him flying back about 2 feet. Another was taken down by Butler's Sig Sauer after being shot in the shoulder sending him spinning full circle. By that time the opposing force opened fire to, but Artemis and Butler had taken cover behind two columns on the opposite side of the room. The M-4's were on burst shooting 4 or 5 rounds per pull. One was shot by Artemis in the place no man wants to be hit and his crotch was replaced by thin air and blood and he had done half a front flip, landing on his head, snapping his neck and fracturing his skull. Another got a head shot from Artemis. Then Artemis got clipped on the shoulder, making him let loose a yelp of pain and grab his shoulder, hiding behind the column. The guy who shot Artemis lost his life by a bullet that found its way through his head, sending brain matter over the two remaining terrorists, who were promptly shot by two neutrino shots from behind the door. Knock knock.  
  
"Ah, the LEP, come in, make yourselves at home, and please tell me, what's my crime this time?" Artemis said, clutching his bleeding shoulder.  
  
~FIN~  
  
A/N: So, what do you think? Tell me if it was good or bad, remember, this is my first fic in the Artemis Fowl fandom so be nice please. Read my other stories too! 


	2. Oh Shit!

A/N: Here it is, the next chapter! Two chapters in one day! I'm great!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm only saying it once, I don't own Artemis Fowl or any of it's characters, nor do I own the .50 Desert Eagle that is one of Artemis's new best friends.  
  
_______________________________________  
  
Chapter 2: Oh Shit!  
  
__________________________________  
  
"Ah, the LEP, come in, make yourselves at home, and please tell me, what's my crime this time?" Artemis said, clutching his bleeding shoulder.  
  
"Nothing Mud Boy, but Commander Root wants to see you about something, he says you might want to come down and check it out." Trouble said, Artemis recognized the voice from the Arctic Incident. He met him briefly down in Haven after they had gotten out of Koboi Labs.  
  
"Ah, you are Captain Kelp right? Nice to see you again, how are things down in Haven?" Artemis said.  
  
"Yes I am Captain Kelp, and things in Haven are just peachy now come along before I Commander Root blows his top." Trouble said.  
  
"I might as well, Butler, come along then, let's see what our fairy friends want to show us." Artemis said.  
  
"Hold on. We have to put you to sleep first." Trouble said.  
  
"Is that really necessary?" Artemis asked.  
  
"Yes, it's part of the rules."  
  
"I can keep a secret. After all, you don't have Mud People storming Haven right now do you?"  
  
"The Council doesn't trust you."  
  
"Haven't I been a good boy since the, errr, kidnapping?"  
  
"Apparently not, now be quiet and sleep." Trouble said layering the last part with the mesmer.  
  
THUD. SMASH!  
  
Butler and Artemis fell to the floor, they had given in to the mesmer immediately seeing as that was the only way they would be allowed to go to Haven. The rest of Retrieval 1 rushed in and picked them up. Turning on there Hummingbird Z8's, the newest Hummingbird model. Fast as lightning, quiet as a blade of grass in a ligh breeze. It responded to the slightest touch and moved as gracefully through the air as a bird of prey. Basically it was top of the line. They flew them over to the McGraney's farm to the shuttleport where they carried the two into a large shuttle made for comfort.  
  
*LEP HQ's, Haven; 11:06*  
  
Artemis opened his eyes and wasn't to surprised to see Foaly and Root looking down at him. Root was pink in the face, which was unusual for Root, that was pale for Root, usually he was red in the face with a throbbing vein near his temple. 'Something bad must be happening.' Artemis thought. Foaly didn't look good either, Artemis decided to find out what was wrong. He looked around first and seemed to be in a waiting room at a hospital, fairy hospital anyways.  
  
"What's wrong, why am I here?" Artemis said.  
  
"Fowl, I think you should see this yourself." Root said grimly.  
  
"Just brace yourself kid." Foaly said, equally grim.  
  
"Go through that door and you'll see." Root said and pointer at a door that looked similar to all the others. It had a sign on it that said 'Room A395682', but the ones next to it said 'Room C39574' and 'Room R4768398'.  
  
"My lord! Don't you fairies have any organizational skills!" Artemis said.  
  
"We do it to make it hard for enemies to get what they want." Root said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Yes, but it's hard for you to." Artemis replied.  
  
"The boys got a point." Foaly pointed out.  
  
"Just go to the room D'arvit!" Root howled, regaining his normal complexion.  
  
"Okay, don't burst a vein." Artemis said and went to the room. He went in and closed the door behing him. What he saw horrified him. It was Holly, but she had a large bruise across her abdomen and a black eye, Artemis felt a bit shameful seeing as Holly was wearing no top, but she had a thick set of bandage wrapped around her chest. She had a cast on her right arm. Blue sparks were playing over the wounds. 'Hospital stays must be short.' Artemis thought. Short. Hah. Artemis made a small laugh in his head. He felt on the verge of tears, Holly was one of the few friends he actually had. They never said it, but he knew it. Foaly and Root too. And Butler of course.  
  
Artemis slowly walked over to Holly, and kneeled down onto his knees and looked at Holly. He wanted to hold her hand, but he couldn't, otherwise the flow of magic would be diverted to him and Holly needed every little spark. He heard Holly moan something out. She moaned again, louder this time, he could almost make it out.  
  
"Artemis..." Holly moaned out, he understood this time.  
  
"It's okay Holly, I'm right here, don't worry." Artemis said. The wounds were getting smaller, the sparks were still going at it. Artemis just realized that when he walked in that the wounds were severe. Just how bad was it! What happened! Holly cracked her eyes open a bit and saw her surroundings and then Artemis. She made a small smile.  
  
"Hi Fowl, you came to see little old me huh?" Holly said, her voice sounded kind of scratchy.  
  
"Yeah, I came, and you are correct in the description of yourself, you are both little and old." Artemis said. The bruise on her abdomen was gone, her black eye almost healed, Holly noticed her lack of clothing just then.  
  
*Outside Room A395682, Haven; 11:10*  
  
"PERVERTED MUD BOY!" a voice shrieked.  
  
SMACK!  
  
"ARRGGH!" a male voice that could only be Artemis yelled.  
  
BOOM!  
  
"YOWW!" Artemis howled.  
  
THUD!  
  
"DAMN, THAT HURTS! OH SHIIIITT!" Aremis howled out.  
  
SMASH!  
  
"What the Hell was that?" Foaly asked.  
  
"I dunno but it sounds good." Root smirked at that.  
  
"Oh no! Artemis could be hurt!" Butler yelled.  
  
"Oh. That's not good." Foaly said sincerely, bad enough with Holly hurt, they didn't need Artemis in Intensive Care too. And by the sounds of it, he very well could be.  
  
"Oh god! What've I done! Oh! Artemis! Are you okay! I didn't mean for that to happen!" Holly shrieked. The only response was groaning.  
  
"OH SHIT!" someone yelled from outside the building. Large explosions and smashing noises followed it.  
  
"TROLLS! RUN FOR IT! LEP! LEP! WE NEED THE LEP!" they heard.  
  
A/N: So how was it? Was it good, was it bad? Tell me! Review! 


	3. My Arms Hurt, My Legs Hurt, My Head Hurt...

A/N: I've noticed something, Artemis Fowl stories get reviews very quickly. If anyone is OOC, sorry, but it makes it funny.  
  
Replies to reviews:  
  
Crazygirly007: You now get to see what happens, and you think I would let Holly get any long term injury? Come on! She's my second favorite character! Artemis is up front! Thanks for being so encouraging!  
  
Vana Burke: Thanks a lot for the positive input.  
  
Random Comment-er: Um, are you slow or something? There are plenty of guys on Ffn.net! Come on! A lot of them are in the Anime section though. Maybe not much in Artemis Fowl, but what do I care?  
  
Dreamy-eyes: If you can't imagine Artemis using a weapon, you lack imagination then, or you didn't read Arctic Incident thouroughly. He makes a promise on the train to work out or something like that. Artemis has toned up and is packin' heat now! WOOHOO! And for your second point, this is PG-13 mad by yours truly. If you want unnecessary cussing, read ITOP. But seriously, you get bitch-slapped by Holly and have a heavy shelf fall on top of you and you didn't get knocked out, would you cuss? I know I would. But maybe that's me.  
  
none 'o your damn bee's wax: Ooookay then. Your review was beyond pointless.  
  
spider-elf: What are you confused about? Oh well, hopefully this'll help clear it up.  
  
Lazer6eam: Sorry if you get lost sometimes, I still can't get html code down.  
  
I also promote honest reviews, please give me an honest oppinion and help point out mistakes I may have made, I mean, sure you going, "Oh it was so fantastic!" and that's it is nice, but not really helpful.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _  
  
Chapter 3: My Arms Hurt, My Legs Hurt, My Head Hurts, My Stomach Hurts, Hell! Even My Balls Hurt!  
  
__________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Outside Room A395682, LEP Infirmary; 11:11*  
  
"TROLLS! RUN FOR IT! LEP! LEP! WE NEED THE LEP!" they heard.  
  
A LEP agent ran up to Commander Root and told him that there were big, rampaging, bull trolls thrashing the city and so far they counted 12 but they heard more were coming.  
  
"What the hell is goin' on here?! Rampaging bull trolls attacking Haven?! They've never dont that before!" Commander Root yelled.  
  
"Well apparently they are doing it now, what's our priority? Checking on Artemis now fight the trolls later or vice versa?" asked Butler.  
  
"The Mud Boy will live, right now lets fight the trolls." Root answered.  
  
He took out his triple-barreled blaster, checked the gauge and said to Butler," You'll need more than your Sig Sauer for this, there's a gun rack over there, go get the Neutrino 2000, those are good."  
  
So Butler did. They ran outside with there guns set to stun, and saw 14 large bull trolls running around smashing up buildings, tossing billboards, and generally just trashing everything in sight.  
  
"D'arvit! Where's the LEP?!" Root yelled. A large rock hit him upside the head but luckily he was wearing a new, updated version of the LEP helmet made and patented by Foaly of course. So no damage there," WHO THREW THAT! STUPID TROLL! YAH!" Root opened fire and was ramming shots home in the troll and after 8 shots it was down, of course it wasn't 8 rounds that hit the troll, it was 24, who cares?  
  
"HAH HAH! I am Julius Root! I am undefeata-UMPH!" Thud. Root got knocked out by a billboard.  
*Meanwhile in the LEP Infirmary...*  
  
Foaly was an office boy, he wasn't about to go running around with a gun shooting down trolls, oh no, to much work. He went into the room to check on Holly and Artemis because last he heard, Artemis was in pain. He cautiously opened the door and looked, no one in the bed. He checked the room from left to right, and on the far side of the room was Holly with the bandages wrapped aroundd her chest still in the LEP jumpsuit but only up to the waist, she seemed to be trying to lift a big shelf off of, some groaning mass which Foaly quickly realized was Artemis!  
  
"Oh my!" Foaly said.  
  
"Foaly! Get your pansy self over here and help me!" Holly yelled. She was attempting to lift the shelf but to no avail, and Artemis looked pretty bad. Foaly quickly clopped over and helped lift it up, it was going up slowly, just enough room to get Artemis out.  
  
"Holly! Get him out! Hurry!" Foaly yelled, Holly let go and quickly dragged him out. Foaly let go and the shelf fell with a crash. Foaly looked down at Artemis, he had lots of cuts and bruises started to appear, a black eye, bloody nose, broken and/or dislocated left arm, may have a broken spine, Artemis was definitely thrashed and unconscious.  
  
"What did you do to him and what did he do to deserve that?" Foaly asked.  
  
"Umm, well I slapped him and he fell into the shelf and the shelf fell and landed on him." Holly said.  
  
"Well what did he do to deserve that though?" Foaly asked.  
  
"I'm not wearing a top! He was looking at my boobs, hey, stop looking you perverted centaur!" Holly shrieked and punched him in the gut earning a satisfying grunt.  
  
"OW! SORRY! JEEZ! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO MEAN!" Foaly whimpered, actually yelled, actually it was a little bit of both.  
  
"Artemis needs medical attention and fast." Foaly said.  
  
"Well then call a warlock paramedic! I barely have enough magic now to make a flower sprout!" Holly yelled.  
  
"Okay, okay! Keep your pants on, seriously!" Foaly yelled. Holly saw that her pants were starting to sag, she grabbed them and pulled them up, she was fully healed and had barely any magic left. Foaly didn't need to call the medics as a few came to see what all the ruckus was about.  
  
"Oh my! What happened to the Mud Boy!" said one.  
  
"Just heal him!" Holly and Foaly yelled in unison. The medics obliged. Four sets of hand sent out waves of sparks dancing around Artemis's wounds. Most of them centered around the lower portion of his spine on his back. Not a good sign. After they sparks disappeared the warlocks got up.  
  
"He won't be able to walk for around half an hour, I suggest you get him on the bed or in a chair." said one, then they left. Holly and Foaly lay Artemis in the bed that was previously Holly's. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he slowly sat up. He was still groggy.  
  
"Ohh, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my head hurts, my stomach hurts, Hell! Even my balls hurt!" Artemis complained.  
  
"Suck it up then Mud Boy!" Holly yelled.  
  
"What happened? I feel like I got run over by a lorry." Artemis groaned out.  
  
"No, no no, Holly was the one who got run down by a lorry, you just had a shelf fall on top of you." Foaly said," Actually it was a runaway cart holding a heavy load that ran down Holly but close enough."  
  
"Shut up Foaly, before I bop you upside the head." Holly snapped.  
  
CRASH! BOOM!  
  
"What was that?" Holly asked.  
  
"Oh no! I forgot! Haven's being attacked by trolls!" Foaly yelled.  
  
"What!" Holly and Artemis yelled.  
  
"Holly, you stay with Fowl, I have to go to the Ops booth." Foaly said.  
  
"Why do I have to stay with him!" Holly complained.  
  
"Because he can't walk and you're the only one good with a gun!" Foaly yelled and sped off to the Ops booth.  
  
Holly, sighed and sat at the foot of the bed. She went out to get her Neutrino 2000 and came back. She notched the setting to stun just in case.  
  
"So Captain Short, why did you call me a perverted Mud Boy and slap me across the room again?" Artemis asked.  
  
"You were lookin' at my boobs and I don't have a top on! You expect me to let you get away with it!?" Holly yelled.  
  
"I wasn't looking at your breasts! And you have a thick layer of bandages wrapped around you that works better than any average shirt!" Artemis shot back," You think I'm some Peeping Tom or something!?"  
  
"You were looking at my breasts! I saw you! It doesn't matter if I'm wearing anything or not! You were looking! That's the whole point!"  
  
"Fine, whatever. So, what happened to you?"  
  
"I got run over by a cart."  
  
"No really, what happened?"  
  
"I told you, I was run over by a cart!"  
  
"Come on already! What happened!"  
  
"I'm serious! I was run over by a cart!"  
  
" HA HA HA HA! OH MY SIDE! AH HA HA HA! I HAVEN'T LAUGHED THIS HARD IN YEARS! HA HA! HOW DID YOU, You, ohhh, I'm calm, okay. How did you get run over by a cart?"  
  
"It was an accident and I was to busy thinking to notice it 'til I was hit, now shut up before I shoot you."  
  
"Why is it that I belive you?"  
  
"Because I would."  
  
"Okay, I'll go back to sleep then..."  
*Meanwhile outside in Haven...*  
"Commander Root! Are you okay?" Butler yelled. The only response was a groan, Root was unconscious, "Oh boy. Well, looks like I'm in this alone."  
  
Butler saw a troll coming his way, about 500 yards was all that stood between him and the troll. Butler opened fire but the creature was unfazed and still coming. He cranked the setting up two notches and he heard it start to hum lightly, he let loose three rounds and three small holes appeared in the troll, blood oozing out of the wounds, it kept coming. He decided to keep blasting, ten shots later it got knocked out from blood loss, tripped, and skidded around 10 feet to stop at Butler's toes.  
  
"Wow." was all Butler said. At that point he saw a brigade of LEP officers taking down 4 cornered trolls. Make that 4 BIG cornered trolls. Butler ran over to help, he put it back to stun and aimed at the neck, a spot that should be weak Butler reasoned. He shot, and WHUMPF! The troll was down!  
  
'So trolls do have a weak point.' Butler thought, then out loud,"Aim for the base of the neck! It's the weak point!"  
  
The LEP got it, aimed, and fired, a bit much considering one shot would have done, but 7 or 8 shots apiece was fine too.  
  
"Good job Mud Man."It was Trouble, he came over and looked up, WAY up at Butler, " Good thinkin', you really helped us out there, guess you aren't that bad after all." That was a lot coming from Trouble.  
  
"Thank you, but you better get some medics to Commander Root, he got hit over the head with a billboard and is out cold." Butler said.  
  
"Commander Root! Come on troops! We got a man down!" Trouble yelled.  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" Retrieval One replied.  
  
They marched out and with every step they would say,"Hut!". 'Too many movies.' thought Butler. He looked around Haven from his spot and saw that it was well and thouroughly trashed. Buildings were decimated, warehouses half destroyed, medics running all over Haven helping the wounded, lights thrown everywhere. Fires were everywhere and the smoke collected at the roof of the huge cavern, filtering through small shafts leading to above ground. He sighed and went back to the room where Artemis would be, watching over Holly. 'I wonder if there's more to the relationship between those two than what they let on.' Butler thought, grinning at the thought of Artemis having a crush on someone, even if that someone may be an elf. When he got into the Infirmary, he went to the room, or rather, got lost 16 times, and then asked for someone to lead him to the room, got lost with them 14 times, asked someone else, was led by them and got lost 23 times because the person was stubborn and finally got there by sheer accident. It was really quite interesting actually.  
*Room A395682, LEP Infirmary, Haven; 12:03*  
"I can get up now." Artemis said, waking up from a not so peaceful slumber, he saw that Holly had fallen asleep, her head on his knees. He looked at her and saw how peaceful she looked. 'Beautiful yet deadly, wait, hold up! Did I just use beautiful to describe her!? Pretty maybe but, ah screw it! Times change! I've changed, for the better too. Hormones, that's all it is. Entirely normal. Body senses the estrogen, testosterone is let out and affects my brain processes. Yeah, that's it.' Artemis thought, waging a little war in his head trying to figure out why he used the word 'Beautiful' to describe Holly. Holly stirred and woke up. She stretched out her arms and yawned, her back towards Artemis. He noted that Holly had grown out her hair a little, her shiny auburn hair dangling a little below shoulder level.  
  
"Finally decided to wake up Captain Short?" Artemis said.  
  
"GAAHH! Crap! Don't do that!" Holly shrieked.  
  
"Spook you? So Captain Short does get scared easily, a wonder Foaly was right about that." Artemis said.  
  
Just then the door was opened and Butler stepped in accompanied by Foaly.  
  
"Amazing! The two of you are still alive, conscious and not bleeding! It's a miracle!" Foaly yelled sarcastically.  
  
Just then, from the room next door, they heard Chix Verbil say," My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my head hurts, my stomach hurts, Hell! Even my balls hurt!" Artemis, Holly, and Foaly were frozen, mouths open wide, amazed that the same exact words Artemis had used were repeated exactly word for word, then they burst out laughing like hyenas.  
  
~FIN~  
  
A/N: Well, there you go, Chapter 3. Happy now? Read and review please. And make sure you tell me what you really think of it, don't just go, "Oh it was so funny!" or some crap like that, that doesn't really help any. 


	4. What the Fk?

A/N: After a long battle with writer's block and a long bout of depression, I'm finally back to writing. There are also a lot of things I need to inform you people of in response to your reviews and that will be in the 'Response to Reviews' section found below this A/N. Quite frankly, I'm ashamed I didn't notice them before, but I'm just an amateur writer so gimme a break! I haven't even finished one of my stories! By the way, this takes place as if the Eternity Code never happened. Another note to give you guys, THIS IS ONLY PART OF CHAPTER 4! THE ACTUAL CHAPTER 4 IS MUCH LONGER! I PUT THIS HERE TO RESPOND TO REVIEWS AND GIVE YOU A PEEK AT WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!  
  
The Response to Reviews!:  
  
you know who i am man(Christopher Butler, a friend of mine)- Chris, there's this thing called a dictionary, use it. It's spelled D-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y. And learn to use punctuations. And you don't stand a chance with Sam Burgess, you're out of her league.  
  
not-so-super-but-really-special-girl: Just for the record, Artemis doesn't walk around with a bullet in his shoulder all day. We'll just say he got healed on the way to Haven.  
  
livy: Please take note that this is taking place a year after the Arctic Incident. This is to allow the idea of Artemis having a toned body and being able to use a firearm accurately plausible. Also, even before the Arctic Incident, Artemis was being trained by Butler, Eoin Colfer said so in the first book! And Artemis *promised* to himself on the train during the Arctic Incident that he would get a home gym. So of course I worked off that idea to make Artemis into an almost perfect criminal mastermind. I say almost because I have plans that utilize his faults. You'll see that in a later chapter, or chapters as the case may be. I had the storyline plotted out but I accidentally deleted it while cleaning out my hard drive. Suffice it to say, the house was full of profanities. Luckily I was alone. Sorry for being so long-winded. And now that I reread my story, Artemis is a bit more OOC than he should. So I'll try to make it more realistic. But I'm not making any promises.  
  
Daniele: A lot of the answers to this were explained above. But I will repeat, *Artemis has become a lot tougher than he used to and another thing, anyone would be upset by getting shot.* And Butler didn't get upset, he got pissed! Who else shot the Man in Black's head off!? Artemis is groaning in pain, clutching his wound behind a column and the MIB certainly isn't going to shoot himself! Butler is the only other person there so it's quite obvious who shot who! And him knowing who was at the door, note the neutrino blasts. Mud Men don't use those kinds of weapons. Faeries do. So Artemis would be left to assume it's the LEP. Duh. Sorry for being rude. Plus, this is *my* fanfiction.  
  
The Reviewer: A review that is worth responding to. Holly being run over by a cart and rampaging trolls has absolutely nothing to do with the mafia. This is touching on the Root and Holly have fallen prey to freak accidents thing. Root gets his later. And those guys in black, that was a mafia hit team, I was supposed to tell you folks that later on in this chapter, but I decided to clear that up now. Artemis has to get aboveground first. That may happen this chapter or next. BTW, I'm 13 and in the 7th grade. I didn't skip a grade, that'd be an act of God. And I didn't get held back, that'd be an act of procrastination, one of my closest friends.  
  
PsychoDude: Thanks for the encouragement.  
  
Lazer6eam: I'm happy you've kept with me throughout this fic sis! Couldn't have done this without your encouragement! (She isn't really my sister...we just refer to each other as brother and sister...only God knows why we do that...)  
  
crazygirly007: Yet another dedicated fan that I thank.  
  
Another A/N: I'm sorry to say, but I think I'm going to deviate from the no fluff plan. I like the Artemis/Holly pairing to much. Sorry to all those who don't like that pairing and didn't want any fluff. But I have one question that needs answering, how do you even get those other pairings? I mean, the book is obviously implying a relationship between Artemis and Holly and it doesn't even make a slight hint at other pairings and don't even get started on Chix Verbil, he's a total wannabe playboy.  
  
And now your feature presentation.  
  
Chapter 4: What the F**k?!  
  
A/N: Some of you may have noticed that the chapter title is usually a line said by a character that has some importance, or has to do with a particular event. That much should be obvious. And I'm sure *all* of you have noticed my running joke on the LEP having a poor organizational system. Why I put this here is beyond me.  
  
Back to your Feature Presentation.  
  
*Room A395682, LEP Infirmary, Haven; 12:06*  
  
Just then, from the room next door, they heard Chix Verbil say," My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my head hurts, my stomach hurts, Hell! Even my balls hurt!" Artemis, Holly, and Foaly were frozen, mouths open wide, amazed that the same exact words Artemis had used were repeated exactly word for word, then they burst out laughing like hyenas.  
  
While they were laughing, Butler just stood there with a confused expression on his face seeing the three laugh like a wild pack of hyenas. Several thoughts were racing through his head, one was 'Are they drugged, or maybe are they *on* drugs?' and another was 'It's great to see Artemis finally laugh openly.' and his last thought was 'Where the Hell is the bathroom?' which had nothing to do with the trio of 'laughing hyenas'.  
  
Just then Root walked in with a bandage wrapped around his head. His face was set in the usual angry look and his complexion resembled that of a shade of red commonly associated with apples. Needless to say, all the laughing stopped.  
  
"Commander Root, what happened to your head?" Holly asked.  
  
"I got hit over the head with a billboard thrown by a troll is what!" Root turned towards Foaly and yelled," Now Foaly, tell me what the Hell just happened out there!"  
  
"You saw it firsthand, why do you need to ask me Julius?" Foaly said in a matter-of-fact tone.  
  
"I know we were attacked by trolls! What I want to know is how they got into Haven without us knowing and *why* they were in Haven in the first place! And don't call me Julius!" he yelled out.  
  
"Well, a Recon team found several large holes located along the outskirts of Haven and we believe they came in from there. We still don't have a why though. They got past the sensor array and the automated defenses because they came in *underneath* the sensors and defenses and emerged from behind. Our sensors only detect things coming from the tunnels we built and things above our ground level in Haven. Basically we had a blind spot that we didn't know of until now and they exploited it." Foaly replied.  
  
"Grrr...I want those blind spots covered! And do a full search of our defense systems and find any other blind spots we need to cover up!" Julius yelled angrily. 


End file.
